It's after midnight, now early on Tuesday morning. My mind won't rest. My heart just aches. Somehow, I've managed to not shed a single tear. Still, I've felt them well from within several times. I feel as though they could begin at any moment. I'm afraid they may not stop.
Sunday, it happened yet again. This time, worse than any other. The worse mass shooting in American history. We just lived through it. There are 49 people that can't say that. We cannot allow those lives to not have a purpose. This needs to be a turning point. We have allowed the continued mass shootings to happen for far too long. We need to come together and say enough is enough. This was a crime of hate. The first large scale attack on the LGBT community since I have been out. And, for the first time since coming out, I am scared. Walking from the White House to the Metro last evening, I heard loud screaming coming from half a block away and I felt my heart race for a few moments because I thought it might be directed at the four young gay men walking up the street. I am anxious. I'm not big in the club scene, but I do go out for drinks, I like to dance, and many of my friends do. I am unable to look away. I can't stop reading articles about the victims, the survivors, the responses. I am grieving. The gay community is far from perfect. To those on the outside, you can never fully understand. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender-we are a family. We look out for one another. We care for one another. An event like Orlando challenges our safety in the safest and most cherished environments. For the vast majority of the LGBT community, the gay bar is the first place you let down your guard and truly begin to express yourself as a gay person. It's where you go to be with other people that understand you, don't question you. The gay bar is where you meet people and realize you are normal, there's nothing wrong with you. It's where you accept yourself. For an attack to happen there, it is as if someone has attacked the core of who you are, from within. That is why shockwaves are being echoed by gays across the country and around the world. We are saddened for the loss of 50 of our own and our resolve is weakened because we know it could have been any of us.
"Everyone is someone's everything" I can't get passed this today. Reading the stories of the lives lost and those that made it out. The ripple effect of lives this tragedy touches is unfathomable to me. I've felt helpless. I want to make a difference. I want to stand up, live loud, live proud and say FUCK YOU, to those that stand in my way. Rather, I've decided I will be the bigger person. I will not allow this attack or those that spew hate with their mouths to change me. I will show love. Love always conquers hate. Love has already won across this nation. And it will win again.
I still have much to process but I know what I want to do to take action. And I'm hoping that you will help me. My goal is to start an initiative that focuses on spreading love, kindness, compassion and service by organizing the LGBT community and its allies through volunteerism. I think there's no better name than LOVE-Love Others, Volunteer Everywhere. Together, we can show our neighbors, our communities, and our world that we are bigger than hate. We are committed to making our world a better place.
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